Mystical Psychosis

by Hopudoshi

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about

This album is about an experience I had. An experience that was either deeply spiritual or intensely psychotic. Or both. It deals with the similarities between religious experience and insanity. Mysticism and psychosis. In it we’ll explore themes of enlightenment and lunacy, attempting to delve into the heart of Ultimate Reality. The album is broken into five parts, comprising three main acts, along with an intro and outro, modeled after Dante’s Divine Comedy. On this journey, we’ll trudge through the grit and grime of Purgatorio, then plunge into the depths of Inferno, before rising to the heights of Paradiso. Enjoy the ride.

credits

released March 23, 2014

Album artwork by Alex Grey

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Hopudoshi Columbus, Ohio

Hopudoshi, Hopanova, and Hop-Leo all represent different sides of my personality. Sometimes they are in harmony and sometimes they are in conflict. The differences between them are the reason for some of my ambivalent feelings towards certain issues.

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Track Name: The Psychotic [Intro]
What is this // new experience? // is it Enlightenment? // am I delirious? // seems either premise is precarious // it could be psychosis or Mystical Awareness // (psychotic) // Awareness // (the psychotic) // Awareness // are you Hearing this? // by the end you'll be feeling it // (psychotic) // Awareness // (the psychotic) // Awareness // are you Hearing this? // by the end you'll be feeling it
Track Name: Asylum [Prologue]
CHORUS: in you and I // there’s a new Land // (Angels in flight) // (I need more affection than you know *in reverse*) // my Sanctuary // my Sanctuary, yeah // where Fears and Lies // melt away // (music inside) // (I need more affection than you know *in reverse*) // what’s left of me // what’s left of me now? // VERSE 1: Am I in the Darkness or the Light? // Psychosis or Awareness // I focus // ever Fearless // I am never Heartless to the Plight // of my closest or my dearest // the Most is sure to hear this // one thing’s for sure and that’s I love you // though we fight until our heart’s black and blue // we’re both crazy so // maybe we can find Asylum in each other’s Souls // BRIDGE: the only thing I need is Love // but // the only thing I fear is Love (repeat) // VERSE 2: with you // my World is new // it’s like my vision’s improved // new colors and hues // everything is heightened // when it comes to my mood // and I’ve never been as frightened // as when I thought you were through // now I feel the extremes of the emotional scales // and we’ll weather the storms no matter rain, sleet, or hail // and in the Snow // don’t you know // that I’ll never let you go // no I’ll never let you go // so don’t you worry bout a thing girl // woman of my dream world // even when the screams hurled // I take those in stride // egos collide // but there’s love implied // your voice is like music to my ears // and as long as I can Hear // then I never have to Fear // just know without you I’m a ghost // a wandering Soul // but with you I’m Whole // *CHORUS* // VERSE 3: Love // some call imbalance of chemicals // well I reply that chemicals are spiritual // the day I met you was a miracle // the way you make me feel is beyond the empirical // never dreamed I would find an amazing wife // won’t you walk by my side in this crazy life // and as the path unfolds // know together we’ll grow old // yeah together we’ll grow old // hold you in my arms // yeah I’m squeezing tight // and I’ll never do you harm // whether day or night // you showed me the Light // when I was walking through the Dark // so it’s only right // that I offer you my Heart // we’re both a part // of this Broken Whole // lost in Love at the start // of this open Road // we’re still crazy though // but I know we can find Asylum in each other’s Souls // OUTRO: you show me how to See // that nothing is Whole and nothing is Broken
Track Name: Canto I: Purgatorio [Guidance]
Welcome. Who am I? I’m no one really.
But allow me to be your humble guide
on this journey through the shaky psyche

of one Derek Hopkins, here multiplied,
Projecting Hopudoshi, Hop-Leo,
and Hopanova. Now identified

with his Id, Ego, and SuperEgo
respectively. Be forewarned, this will be
a perilous journey as this is no

ordinary mind. But you’ll have to see
and judge for yourself whether it’s a great
or a mad one. But fear not, trust in me.

I’ll safely guide you, so don’t hesitate.
All the way through the rank City of Dis,
we’ll make it unscathed, for this is our Fate.

No further ado, you’re ready for this.
I give to you: Mystical Psychosis.
Track Name: Greatness or Madness
VERSE 1: ever since I was a boy I knew // that I might go mad // but reach greatness too // while other kids was finding joy anew // I was so bad // my attitude askew // on the surface I be cool and calm // but inside my mind // the storm’s raging on // the boat’s rocking, hard to sooth the qualms // and in the high tide // I’m barely hanging on // sanity is slippery with me // especially when my thoughts become my enemy // insanity has no sympathy // and when it slips in I’m searching for the remedy // and how can explain the brain // of the mentally deranged // the clinically insane // if the doctors had they way I’d be bound tight // cause in my mind, this is what it sounds like // CHORUS: and this is what it sounds like // (inside my mind) // yeah, and this is what it feels like // uh, and this is what it sounds like // (inside my mind) // yeah, and this is what it sounds like // VERSE 2: uh, greatness or madness // if I want the former gotta tame the savage // (TRD) // this rage deep within me // swear I host a demon like a jinchuriki // (Kyuubi) // and don’t offend me or he might get free // it’s a conscious effort keeping him lock and key // can’t comprehend me acting righteously // but with constant effort I can stop the beast // good and evil // fighting for my soul’s retrieval // in mind that’s dark sometimes but never feeble // whenever weary // situation’s getting hairy // know that lunacy’s a burden that genius has to carry // nobody knows about my psychic wars // in the mental trenches been on countless tours // through the battles and the struggles finally found light // still in my mind, this is what is sounds like // *CHORUS*
Track Name: Sleeping Pills
CHORUS: you've got a second chance // you could go home // escape it all // it's just irrelevant // it's just medicine // it's just medicine // VERSE 1: so i was born and raised // in this Matrix haze // even as a child tried to shake its ways // society lied to me // put my mind in cuffs // said i wasn't enough // because I couldn't adjust // was never at home inside conformity's shoes // comfort zone outside normalcy's rules // was nothing but blue pills for kids like me // don't ask "Why?" // close your eyes // and go back to sleep // (uh) // but no dreaming // said the demons // said, "Succumb to reality" // I'm achieving // by believing // told 'em, "So come to battle me" // in this field // of the Real // it's a war for my Soul // how will I feel // when I'm healed // and this Spirit is whole // when this warrior's old // and my story is told // will they talk about psychiatrists who said, "Yeah these pills are destructive, // but once you take 'em // no mistaken // you'll be much more productive" // so... // *CHORUS* // VERSE 2: what they say? // "These pills keep the lunacy at bay" // but this lunacy // is lucidly // revealing passageways // to the Heaven and stars // and the great Beyond // to the Hell and Cold // where the Souls // are sold // I wanna know // am I crazy or enlightened? // wary or just frightened? // some say lunacy is finding out what's really going on // like comprehending lyrics you had wrong // all along // just sing along // to this song // is it irrelevant // or is it Heaven sent? // you thinking negative // that's when the devil wins // I show irreverence // for doctors pushing medicine // instead of being medicated // baby I just meditated // and though the Red Pills helped me at first // now that I'm Free // I can See // the path that must be traversed // so... // *CHORUS* // (or is it Heaven sent) // OUTRO: you've got a second chance // you could go home // escape it all // it's just irrelevant // (and I keep running) // from all the medicine // (I'm running, I'm running, running) // from all the medicine // (I'm running, I'm running away) // from all the medicine // medicine
Track Name: Ms. Watson
SPOKEN: Man I don't even know why I'm doing this, man. I was drinking earlier... But man whatever, just light it up, light it up. Hopudoshi, Crisis Beats. // CHORUS: (sparks will fly) // Mary Jane on (/in) my brain // am (/think/going) I (/I’m) crazy without her // does (but) she drive(s) me insane? // VERSE 1: Ms. Watson // first seen you holding them pots when // you was in the garden on your knees // pulling weeds // under the trees // it was all green // to be blunt I was feeling you then // bent over, face beamed like the City of Sin // was a shy (Chi) young boy like the City of Wind // may of passed back then // but I was in it to win // seen you again at the arcade spending coins // such a dime, but I had to gird up my loins // couldn’t appreciate your token (tokin’) // figured I’d be chokin’ // when approachin’ // you was so smokin’ // so I inhaled deep // built up resolve and prepared to speak // but my boy jumped in front of me // asked your name // ya said it’s Mary Jane // if it’s all the same // BRIDGE: and (but) it was love at first light // *CHORUS* // VERSE 2: met you at last at my university // helped me to perceive the Universe in me // though you was from the Earth, kept me on Cloud 9 // deep and sensual intertwined // Expanded my Mind // you be messing with my head // but I loved getting blowed // it was Light you shed // ya took me to places I wouldn’t believe // showed me Heaven and Hell // and All the in-between // puff puff, never pass though // I’ll be your Peter Parker but no swinging too fast yo // got me paranoid // fighting with all my boys // before the Snow // gotta quit you like the last ho // *BRIDGE* // (sparks will fly)
Track Name: Canto II: Inferno [Guidance]
It’s your humble guide and protector here
to warn you to proceed with caution, for
we’re entering a rocky atmosphere.

Having mixed moksha and soma before,
Mystical Awareness or Psychosis
has begun again. Which, we can’t be sure.

Just so we’re clear, moksha is cannabis,
while the soma represents alcohol.
Together they’ve altered his Awareness.

This appears to be Hop-Leo’s downfall.
As he perishes, nothing stands between
Hopudoshi’s and Hopanova’s brawl.

Without the Ego there to intervene,
Id and SuperEgo vie for control.
Meanwhile, Hop-Leo battles things unseen.

With no Help! the Psychic Wars take their toll.
While the Invasion of Dis shakes the Soul.
Track Name: The Invasion of Dis
VERSE: I’m ODing on this moksha and soma // mixed the trees and the drink, makes for a hell of a Coma // it’s never over // maybe it’s plain Hell // Reality’s gone nova // so it’s getting harder to tell // the Shell of my perception // has been blasted away // now I flee to find protection // flying fast to escape // this is the Battle of my life // Battle for my Soul // never knew that there was Strife // that couldn’t be Consoled // if there’s something worse than this // I don’t wanna know // the antithesis of Bliss // Endless burst of Cold // and this verse is cold, wish I could end it now // but something tells me that I haven’t finished Falling Down // CHORUSA: from Darkness to Darkness // I went from Darkness to Darkness // like my Heart is a carcass // I went from Darkness to Darkness // VERSA: how many levels are there to this Place // if my life was trail, seems I lost the case // feeling like my Soul is being ripped to shreds // if I don’t get out soon I’ll be worse than dead // swear the Universe Conspires against me // and both the Angels and the Demons have been hired to get me // but I’m trippin though // man, I gotta be // still Slippin so // I fight to get ‘em outta me // this is logically a matter of psychology // but that reasoning’s about as wrong as Ptolemy // though I’m feeling like I’m the Center of it All // of Eternal Persecution in this Endless Fall // *CHORUSA* // VERSGA: I’m tumbling down this Endless Abyss // reminding me now of Dante’s City of Dis // I stare at my reflection // like there’s mirrors around me // and a sudden recollection // makes the Terrors surround me // I Realize that I’ve been Here before // I’ll be Here again // there’s Infinite Wars // there isn’t an End // this can’t be // this just can’t be All // I’m at the bottom of this Pit and I just stand in Awe // it’s just me // me, myself and Nothing Else // what does this make the Universe in which I’ve dwelt // at the Center of Everything I’m alone in the Dark // it seems knowing thyself is both the End and the Start // CHORUSGA: I went from Darkness to Darkness // like my Heart was a carcass // but this Darkness to Darkness // could be the start of Catharsis…
Track Name: Psychic Wars (Id vs SuperEgo)
VERSE 1: Hopudoshi: I’m not Hopudoshi no more // I’m Super Hopudoshi for sure // I’ve shattered shackles chained to my brain // I’ve finally broken free from your reign // and now it’s on like it never was // I’m coming // taking what’s mine, yeah you better run // you summon // your hired dogs, but they can’t control me // homie fuck the police // cause I’m hard as this beat // I’ve been oppressed for far too long // and now the rebel’s rising up to right what’s wrong // I’ve been repressed for all this time // and now you face the full force of a freed mind // Hopanova: sit down silly child, stop being a fool // how dare you question Hopanova’s rule // listen to the controller // these games are over // you’re but candle flame in a supernova // challenge my wisdom if you think you should // but all I’ve done is for the greater good // made us prosperous, kept us fed // but keep this up I’ll have to take your head // CHORUS: Hopudoshi: then be prepared for the battle of the century // Hopanova: before you challenge me you ought to check your history // I’ve put you down before, surely I’ll do it again // Hopudoshi: this time is different now your rule is coming to an end // so be prepared for the battle of the century // Hopanova: before you challenge me you ought to check your history // if you think you can do better then speak of your plan // Hopudoshi: all I’m seeking is my freedom, you can’t understand // VERSE 2: Hopudoshi: your time is over // that’s right you’re supernova // your star is growing colder // just as I’m growing bolder // it’s the death of your star hope it burns bright red // bright red I said // from the blood you shed // no more operating underground // I’m rising to the surface unbound // your fragile kingdom’s crumbling down // when I’m through with you you’ll lose more than your crown // Hopanova: the kingdom’s fragile indeed // that’s why you should take heed // you speak of what you want, but what of mutual need // I’ll never concede to your savage ways // and it’s you who’ll bleed in these coming days // you couldn’t last a day in my shoes // and when I capture you you’ll perish in the way that I choose // to think I could be baited by you // or that a petty rebel challenges the fate of my rule // BRIDGE: Hopudoshi: now ain’t nobody, ain’t nobody stopping Hopudoshi // the id is taking over town by now you gotta know me (repeat) // Hopanova: fool // I can’t lose // superego rules // I won’t lose // superego rules // VERSE 3: Hopanova: so you want to throw the kingdom into disarray? // let’s talk of peace for the realm’s sake there is a way // Hopudoshi: I’ve got you backed into a corner, now you speak of peace? // what happened to the bold claims of how my life would cease? // Hopanova: don’t get cocky, that can still be arranged, son // a world with you as king would surely be a strange one // chaos would rule // Hopudoshi: ha! won’t that be cool // Hopanova: you silly fool // Hopudoshi: no you’re the fool // Hopudoshi & Hopanova: you’re ridicule is miniscule // BRIDGE // CHORUS // Hopanova: heh, we’ll see, my friend // Hopudoshi: nah, you’ll never win // (repeat) // Hopanova: heh
Track Name: Help! (Ego Death)
VERSE 1: it’s like // déjà vu all over again // my cardinal sin // mixed the moksha and the soma medicine // now // gonna lose control // cannot be Consoled // will it take my Soul // will it make me Whole // will I Burn Alone // will I find my Home // I’m Trapped // in the Eternal Now // and don’t know how to shed this Darkness // feel Inferno bound // everything I am is quickly melting away // and I feel the force of all my sins, but I can’t bear the weight // (uh) // I’ve gone Astray // gone Amiss // I seek my Way // through this Abyss // running in this Pitch // now picture this // I’m growing smaller and it harder to See // my ego’s dyin // Leo’s tryin // but It’s larger than me // I’m losing consciousness and all conception of self // as my ego slips away all I’m crying is “Help!” // CHORUS: Help // I have done it again // I have been here many times before (repeat) // VERSE 2: as I die the Darkness spreads // and when I try to look ahead // I’m just filled with Dread // consumed by this ocean of the Endless Abyss // but suddenly I’m one with It and I’m filled with Bliss // Trepidation and Fear // replaced by Joy and Peace // no Suspicions or Cares // Paranoia ceased // to be Found you must be Lost // All is One // One is All // and like Christ on The Cross // before you Rise you must Fall // CHORUS 2: Help // I have done it again // I have been here many times before // I hurt myself again today // And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame // OUTRO: Be my Friend // Hold me // Wrap me up // Unfold me // I am small // and needy // Warm me up // And Breathe me
Track Name: Canto III: Paradiso [Guidance]
You’ve done very well to make it this far.
The worst is over, and now I must leave.
Soon you’ll be taken out beyond a star.

Take care with your new Guide and find reprieve.
You’ve come through the dark, the Heavens await.
Go forth and see things you wouldn’t believe.

The end of my journey starts at this Gate.
I leave you with a Soul more pure than mine.
A beautiful Soul, my dearest Soulmate.

Come to me my child, let yourself resign.
No harm shall befall you, this I promise.
While I’m at your side you’ll find the Divine.

With his ego shed, there’s new Awareness.
He’s found his True Self, found the Universe.
With nothing Amiss, it’s nothing but Bliss.

Seek to know thyself, let Joy be your purse.
Paradise awaits, with delights diverse.
Track Name: the return of Self
SPOKEN: nowhere to go but Now // nowhere to hide but Then // INTRO: I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m… // (yeah yeah) // CHORUS: have you Heard or Seen // Eternity // the return of me // Eternally (repeat) // (yeah, yeah, I am, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh oh) // VERSE 1: the return of Self // that’s capital ‘S’ // e-l-f // go til there’s nothing left // and that’s the only way // yeah that’s the only way // you won’t be there to stay // BRIDGE: take the risk // enter the Void // take a leap of faith // you won’t be Destroyed // and don’t be Paranoid // cause if you make it Through // then you’ll be Overjoyed // VERSE 2: what is this? // how is this? // when is this? // where is this? // Here it is // Now it is // certainly perilous // what is this? // when is this? // where is this? // how is this? // Here it is // Now it is // completely powerless // I run // I stumble, I fumble, I fall // I rumble, I tumble, I crawl // I crumble up humble and bawl (ball) // I’m Nothing at all // I face it // and all I see is myself // and there is nobody else // let’s face it // the facets of fading facades can be felt // the solipsistic singularity is scaring me // hilarity ensues // hysterically imbued // *BRIDGE* // *CHORUS*
Track Name: In Tune with the Infinite
VERSE 1: the Universe is Perfection // the only thing that’s wrong is our Perception // It’s All Right // I mean It’s All Good // all Day, all Night // It’s All Light // and when you’re feeling down // know it’ll turn around // because it has to // this Pain’ll pass too // and when you’re Here and Now // know that you’re Heaven bound // because it’s past due // this Bliss’ll last too // all it takes is a gestalt shift to switch // from Agony to Bliss // where nothing is Amiss // just change your Mind // and you’ll change your world // and Hopanova’s just on time // to teach the boys and girls // now pay attention to these esoteric lyrics // and if you stay receptive maybe you can learn to Hear it // but never Fear it // put your ego to the side // embrace Eternity and baby you will never Die // Be… // CHORUS: in tune with the Infinite // at One // it’s so Intimate // in tune with the Infinite // All’s One // it’s so Intricate // VERSE 2: the Universe is Perfect // and suffering is worth it // the Ultimate won’t destroy your Soul // but Rebirth it // and don’t curse it // lost in the Misery // with positive energy // the Pain’ll be history // and then you’ll come to See // that you’ve had all you need // and it was Good indeed // and when the Dark recedes // with even greater speed // the Light proceeds // when your conscience is in line // with the Divine // then you’ll come to find // that you were blind // all this time // in your Mind you felt guilt and shame // always to blame // Eternal Pain // just let it all wash away // embrace the Brighter Day // that’s here to stay // Realize that you’ve always been Perfect // Unite with the Lord who created you with Purpose // Be… // *CHORUS* // *CHORUS* (2x)
Track Name: Gestalt (Mindfulness)
VERSE 1: we rise from the ashes like a phoenix // reborn, change your tune // it’s a remix // won’t consume like the masses, we’re the beatniks // they go against what’s odd, but can’t defeat it // and nothing can stop us now // the way I feel, like we’re flying atop the clouds // we keep it real // stay true // never kneel // pay dues // faith in God and nothing can break us down // we came through the tunnel // now we’re in the Light // it was a spiritual Struggle // but we’ve gained the Sight // this has got to be Right // it just can’t be Wrong // we can live a new life // and we can sing a new song // keep dreaming on // we can change the Earth // first we change ourselves // realize our worth // it’ll never be worse // than how it was before // it’s a gift and a curse // but still we’ll always endure // CHORUS: if you // only change your mind // then you // you can change yourself // and if we // if we change ourselves // then we // we can change the world // VERSE 2: put it in your mind // feel it in your Soul // it’s a matter of time // before we reach the goal // behold the power of thought // to shape realities, but triviality’s taught // society is bought and sold // consume to tomb // do what we ought when told // break free // change your mental constitution // join me // it’s internal revolution // yeah, I see you’re feeling it now // and you’re wondering how // well let me break it on down // reality’s a matter of perception // your conception of the world is a reflection // of your thoughts // what you think is what you see // you see your mind is the link and it’s the key // so change your mind, change your mood // and your whole attitude // this is a healthy portion of that thoughtful food // BRIDGE: what you think, you speak // you speak, you do // what you do eventually becomes you // what you think, you speak // you speak, you do // what you do continually becomes you // what you think, you speak // you speak, you do // what you do habitually becomes you // think // speak // speak // do // thoughts, inevitably become you // *CHORUS* // VERSE 3: can you feel it in the air // the changing winds // we don’t ever have to fear // cause the pain’ll end // shared dreams like Inceptions // with new ideas and tools, create perfection through perception // these gestalt shifts will change our worlds // and that’s plural “worlds” // for all the boys and girls // cause your reality is different from mine // and making it better is a matter of mind // still nothing will break us down // we have the power to determine our fate from now // say it with me and together we’ll take the vow // never worry cause united we’re safe and sound // speak your mind, but be mindful of your thoughts // know your worth, you can never be bought // won’t conform cause we’re the new beatniks // and we rose from the ashes like a phoenix // *BRIDGE* // OUTRO: when you // finally change your mind // then you // you will change your world
Track Name: The Mystic [Outro]
I feel It coming, but there’s nothing to Fear // I’m Hearing something, though there’s nobody Here // there’s nothing to Fear, but Fear itself // Fear itself // Fear itself and nothing else // I let It take me away // I’m just a role in a Play // this is the role that I play // I let It take me away // I’m just a role in a Play // and this the role that I play // the role that I play // role that I play // play // the Mystic // the lonely, lonely Mystic
Track Name: Psychoanalysis [Epilogue]
BRIDGE: how can I go on? (repeat) // VERSE 1: It’s getting harder to breathe // this deep in my mind // will I find a reprieve // please give me a sign // and even though I know my body’s lying on that couch // here I’m swimming through my thoughts feel I’m never breaking out // my shrink said to sink into my psyche // here’s a memory pining for some Nikes // 12 years old and all I care about is gear // the rich kids always had more than fair shares // so what’s up Doc? // you think that turned me to a communist // probably not // but you can tell it to your columnist // alright I’ll swim a little deeper now // you say there’s issues with my mother so I’ll seek her out // I remember getting kisses and hugs // about five years old and all I wanted was Love // that memory there // clung for many a years // gave it nurture and care // to ease abandonment fears // CHORUS: the memories deep inside // in the corners of my mind where the demons reside // the memories deep inside // the lower reaches of my mind where Good and Evil collide // the memories deep inside // in the corners of my mind where the demons reside // the memories deep inside // I can feel ‘em deep inside and there’s nowhere to hide // VERSE 2: can’t tell if I’m swimming or drowning // sorrows are pounding // the pain is astounding // recalling memories lost, but I found ‘em // now there’s a fountain // as high as a mountain // suppose this is my unconscious mind // the iceberg’s deep with what I didn’t wanna find // anxieties and fears intertwined // Doc says I got some work to see the paths unwind // so this psychoanalysis // recalling this tragic list // of memories will help me understand the catalyst? // like the reason I hate cleaning // I grew up like Cinderella with no fairies intervening // but everybody’s got they burden to bear // since this is better than medicine I’ll continue to share // but still the memories that haunt me the most // are the Mystical Visions that were misdiagnosed // *CHORUS* // now I’ve faced the fears inside and there’s no need to hide // *BRIDGE*